Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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