I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
