he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
