Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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