If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
