i already hear my dad disowning me
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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