he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
