nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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