Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
