I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
