Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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