If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
