He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
