I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
