You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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