Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
