i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
why does every cop we meet know your name?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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