weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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