I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
