hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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