Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
