I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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