Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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