before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
