im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
