I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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