he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
