I seem to have left my pride at pride
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
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I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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