Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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