ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
