You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
