I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
