Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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