I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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