Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
