I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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