They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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