Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
there was a trapeze. enough said
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
