Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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