What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
