Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
