Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
