I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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