worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
