I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
