just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We got so high we made milksteak
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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