"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
