I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
