Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
