Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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