so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
