here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
