I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
