I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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