Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
