I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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