Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
