Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
