hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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