just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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