Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
