kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
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I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
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Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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