idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
