Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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